Have you forgiven yourself?

Forgiveness

13 reasons why forgiving yourself is hard

1.    you can justify the actions of others but not your own

2.    You still feel guilty, regardless of what others say

3.    You cannot accept failure

4.    You have to live with yourself

5.    You cannot escape your past

6.    You can give grace, but you cannot receive it

7.    you couldn’t possibly pay for what you did

8.    You feel it is your duty to punish yourself

9.    Your mind will not stop replaying the incident

10.                  You don’t feel worthy of forgiveness

11.                  You don’t believe others or God have really forgiven you

12.                  You refuse to forgive others

13.                  You simply don’t know how

You have to accept the fact that you have to forgive yourself

Forgiving yourself completes the circle of forgiveness and you are free to enjoy all the benefits of forgiveness without the side effects of unforgiveness

“Those who refuse to forgive others cannot forgive themselves” and the enemy can trick them into being sarcastic and bitter to hide their deep feelings

Those who refuse to forgive themselves have trouble accepting unconditional love of the Father or of people God has put in their life.

We expect so much more of ourselves than we do of others…we assume we should know better and rather than feel convicted we are in a constant state of condemnation.

If we don’t forgive ourselves we are in self-inflicted bondage, plain and simple and we will never learn to love one’s self and that keeps us in constant pain and insecurity. 

WOMEN ACROSS THE WORLD YOU WILL LOVE ME FOR THIS TIP

OK FRIENDS YOU ARE GOING TO CALL ME AN ANGEL AFTER THIS!  I found another life saving scrap of paper!
How many paint brushes have your purchased and ruined with hard paint?  How many paint brushes have you hidden in the freezer from your husband and then thrown away?

All because you did not know how to clean the darn things!  Well take note of the following tip...it works.  It is like a miracle before your eyes and yes it is just that easy!

That's it for today....can you belief it NO Phd research paper for you to read??  Sorry I am trying to realize this is a blog not a research site with all my postings!

I also need to mention that from now until after Christmas I begin to think I am an Elf..I started playing this silly game when my Momma insisted we had elves flying all over the house...it must be a generational thing because I got married and talked my children into believing that we had elves flying all over the house and now well you guessed it ....they all have elves flying all over their house too...that means there are a lot of elves that fly around the Dallas metro during the holidays!

Now back to the paint tip

Good night

here I am last year in my full touring costume for the season...I must say I look a little tired will have to do a retake this year ....EARLY in the season LOL  Now girls get your paint brushes out without the stress!

Neena  " the marriage and  paint elf"

Try it and let me know!




Solvents:

Cold:  fabric softener missed with water dissolves water-based paints.  Water=based cleaning products, such as TSP, ammonia, hydrogen peroxide, and all-purpose cleaners, remove dirt and neutralized with distilled white vinegar these products are people safe and environment friendly.

Warm: denatured alcohol, acetone, muriatic acid, and rubb9ing alcohol can dissolve water or oil solutions and are effective surface cleaners if rinsed off well.  They are safe when handled stored and disposed of properly.

Hot:  mineral spirits and paint thinners, naphtha, turpentrinem, and lacquer thinner are hot solvents formulated to break down the chemistry of oil-based paints.  Handle these with caution.

Water based materials

1. remove excess paint from the brush or pad or roller by scraping it with the edge of a 5 in 1 tool
2. mix up several gallon of this magic potion in a 5 gallon bucket:  ½ cup of fabric softener for every gallon of water.  The fabric softener helps dissolve the paint.


3. dip your tool into the mixture swish briskly through the water and count to 10.  The paint will release from the bristles and settle to the bottom of the bucket


4. to dry brush quickly use a paintbrush spinner to fling water from the brush.  Spin the brush in a wet waste bucket. To make a spinner start with an empty 5 gallon bucket with lid.  Cut the 8 inch hole in the center of the lid.  Place a plastic trash bag in the bucket and snap on the lid.  The lid keeps the splatter inside the bucket; toss the bag when finished Rib the tool dry with a small towel.


5. DON’T CLEAN the brush with dish soap or any other kind of soap; don’t rinse the tool in fresh water.  The fabric softener coats the handle, and bristles allowing paint to flow effortlessly off the tool.  Magical!


6. Follow the same steps for rollers and paint pads.  They take a little more time,  about 30 seconds and they might require multiple dippings.

This really works I would probably have a thousand dollars if I had known this trick years ago and would not have had to hide all those ruined brushes from your Daddy!

Oil based

1. start with three clean jars with lids.  No.1 fill with mineral spirits No2. 50/50 mineral spirits and denatured alcohol and No.3 with denatured alcohol and a separate bucket with the magic potion of fabric softer and water for the final clean up
2. Dip brush in No.1 10 seconds and swish, then No2. do the same and No.3 and do the same.
3. Final for 10 second in magic potion. This neutralizes the alcohol and restores the bristles.

Resurrection of that brush we have been hiding???

Equal parts water, ammonia, and liquid fabric softener in a glass baking pan.  Lay brush in mixture for 24 to 36 hours.  Quick solution use oven cleaner.

who is in charge, Neena or the kids?

On Monday Emily, my daughter in law called to say she was in a little bind:  Could I change my schedule to help her on monday?  I teach my bible study on mondays....we'll just change to monday.  No problem the kids are always great!  Well Monday sometimes just brings an off day for everyone....little Helen is Emily's neice and she would be there too and she was having one of those days!   As the noise level was rapidly rising I decided to have everyone have their "room time" the last 30 minutes of my bible study.  Ahhhhh the sweet sound of success....I was feeling quite smug about my great solution when one of the women said, "Karen do you realize that there is a child that is escaping out the dog-door?"

What can I say?  The dog-door said it all!

Defining Family....and Trust and ALWAYS the call for humility.

Defining Family....and Trust and ALWAYS the call for humility.
I am going to share some of my scraps of paper that I am famous for.  It is through these scraps of paper that I discovered memories that have defined what a family is. My prayer is that as I unfold my scraps of paper the definition of family will be exposed to you.  The preciousness of family is found in the midst of experiences, both good and bad.   I will share different memories that have focused on different attributes of character training.  One of the characteristics that will always bring discipline is the sin of pride.  Through experiences, God has kept me moving toward humility as I have learned more of His way of living.


I.  The giving and losing of trust and the flagrant example of blinding pride.


What is family?


Family is being in a place where you are trying to talk but no one is listening; and suddenly you feel like no one ever listens. So you throw a plate to the floor out of control with anger and tears hoping someone will care.  If the “children” at bay are old enough they will whisper, thinking I am deaf, “I think Mom is hormonal”.  If the children at bay are younger, they just get silent and obedient.  If Dad is around everyone starts doing things that are seldom ever done without asking.  Regardless of the age or circumstance, the surprise is that they do care. The noise stops and the voices pause, then in unison they all say:  “Mom have you been getting enough rest?”    The environment of a family is so safe that the Mom can say, “It is not rest I need.  I need someone to pay attention to me too!”


A family allows for needs and wants to be recognized and met.  A family walks with someone hurting out of choice, not out of need or expectations.  Fears, boundaries and emotions are exposed and understood.  Sometimes this happens with a lot of drama, which creates opportunities for repentance, but a family keeps no secrets hidden.


·         Family is a place where the parents can be transparent with the hopes that the children will be too.


·         Family is a place that the parent humbles herself apologizes for out of control behavior and asks for forgiveness.  


·         Family is vulnerable. Parents and children practice boundaries, and learn the difference between “I am sorry” called an apology and “I ask your forgiveness for being so selfish and I want to change” which is called repentance.           


In a family the forgiveness has already been given, and the outrageous offensive act now gets tossed into the museum that stores all the memories that will someday completely define family and its legacy. The family walks beside each one as the heart training begins and the mind transforms, resulting in true repentance and changed behavior.  True humility recognizes the need for forgiveness and repentance. In a family the balance of GRACE and TRUTH(the need for change, the problem etc) is balanced.  The family is not afraid of laughter in the midst of horrific drama that is perceived or real.  


·         A family allows you to be out of control, say all the wrong things, throw a dish on the floor out of anger and still be loved.  You are not loved because of what you do, you are loved simply because you were born and created by our precious Lord.  You are valued because you were born and that means NOTHING YOU DO could make God not love you or your family not love you.


·         A family is being vulnerable to your children for years and then like magic, one by one each child begins to show their transparency too.


The fear of confessing mistakes, asking for help, sharing openly with the most difficult of subjects begins to happen.  But the only means they have of developing a deep enough trust to be transparent themselves is through the wiliness of the parent to model personal transparency. 


My desire for my family to trust me has always been so great that I took many risks in being transparent to them.  Below is one of many personal experiences I will share with you that helped in defining family for the Hobarts.  Trust was always a big deal for Rich and me.  As young parents it was “hit and miss” how to train trust.  It was finally a memory of the wisdom of my Mom years earlier that taught me it is gained through the passage of time and experiences.  Trust does not happen at a certain age nor is it a gift. Trust begins to unfold at the moment of birth.  The years pass and trust gets pulled many ways before it becomes fruit.
The following is an example of trust that was foiled by poor parenting, but through the grace of God it turned into good.  That is what our daddy in heaven is so good at; turning anything we bungle up into something special. 

---

  Our sons were teens when Rich and I were called out of town.  Both the boys had wrestling commitments and they convinced us that we could certainly trust them to stay home.  The rules were written in cement:  the car would stay parked, NO ONE would be in the house that did not have the last name of Hobart, and their usual chores would be done.  What is ridiculous is that I believed all that nonsense.  I am sure their minds were planning the party as they were saying goodbye to us!  The process of working through that is for another time and required a great deal of humility on our part as parents.  Our sons had sinned…period. That sin was:  willful and planned disobedience, disrespect for neighbors and parents, disrespect for property, lying and deceit.  But the grace of God kept me focused, eventually on His voice and I recognized my own motives and sin in the experience.  As usual God remained faithful.   


My Mom had Alzheimer’s and was in a nursing home in Kansas City.  Being very close to my momma,  across the miles was a struggle, and this was a critical stage in her disease.  We left on Friday night and arrived home on Sunday afternoon.  I should have suspected trouble while getting out of the car.  It was at that moment I spotted Leo from across the street approaching me.  It went something like this:  Leo saying, “Karen I believe the boys ran over my plastic deer in the yard and knocked its head off.  I have reason to believe they might have been drinking.”  Karen the clueless Mom says, “Oh dear Leo.  You are so kind to mention this and have such concern but it must have been someone else who knocked the head off your deer. You see for the boys to have done that they would have to have been driving and they promised not to use the car except for a dire emergency. Micah and Seth do not drink alcohol and of course they do not break promises.   It would not be worth the risk of messing up their wrestling season.  They promised no friends in the house and Leo we can’t have a party without friends can we?”


I could feel the foolishness of defenses rolling up in my Momma Bear mentality.  I privately admitted to myself I was sounding sarcastic.  I even thought I noticed Leo rolling his eyes and getting a little bit annoyed but in retrospect his patience was impressive.


Secretly I had been hoping for several months that someone would knock the head off of his ridiculous plastic deer that sat in a pronounced place of honor in his front yard.  I even recall saying to Rich “Wouldn’t it be nice if someone would run over that stupid plastic deer and get it out of the neighborhood?”  The thoughts were beginning to flood my mind when I remember Rich commenting back that someone would have to be blindfolded and drunk to run into that deer.  He reminded me it was right smack in the middle of the yard. Leo shook me out of my deep secret thoughts with a more aggressive accusation: “Karen I also think there was a party at your house that included drinking.”  


Listening to Leo I became agitated and predictably defensive over my innocent boys. How could the boys be so falsely accused! Quite curtly I replied, “It is so difficult being the sons and daughters of the superintendent in a small school district.”  I began to point out that fact to my sweet neighbor and then added “It is so difficult being in the spotlight and having people always looking out the window to try and catch someone making a wrong choice.  It creates a lot of pressure for high school students who are trying to do the right thing and sometimes falter.” Please note: this is an example of a foolish parent creating the road of foolishness in their children by being BLIND to their foolish behavior and defending them. I was a fool who was deep in pride.  I did not want anyone to think our boys would have anything to do with a drinking party.


Leo then says, “You are right.  That is a struggle with preacher’s kids too.  I probably am mistaken about the incident.”  Then almost sarcastically he added, “I guess I should have gone over to thank Seth and Micah for coming over in the middle of the night to try and glue the head back on my plastic deer.  I would have thanked them but after seeing it was 3:00 a.m. and realizing your two sons were being so neighborly, I was afraid I would scare them if I came out at that time of night.  I would be very happy if you would thank them for me.  Wow, Karen, you really have instilled a sense of honor, the golden rule and work ethic for two teenage boys to work in the middle of the night when they could see so much better in the daylight!”


With those words, Leo turned and walked back to his home. I was sure he was convinced I was carrying a plastic head on my own shoulders that made me so blind.  The evidence of a break of trust was mounting pretty quickly against my two innocent sons, but I chose to gracefully thank Leo for his concern and trekked across the lawn to our home.


Walking in, I was taken by surprise as to the rare order and cleanliness that greeted me.  It actually smelled as if a “rose aerosol room deodorizer” had exploded right in the middle of the dining room.  Again the trust was fast falling to the basement when my two innocent boys came in saying, “Hi, Mom can we help get things out of the car?”  Take note, precious as they were it was a rare occasion that they would race to offer assistance to empty the car after a trip of any nature.


Unfortunately, the request to help coupled with the aroma of rose permeating my nostrils hurt their case and led me to another question, “Boys I notice the car is not in the driveway?”  Silence fell as heavy as an Iowa snowstorm that tears out the electricity for a week!  Finally I guess they realized it was not me who was to talk as I was the one who had asked a very simple question. Micah was the first to break the silence.


It seems Micah and his girlfriend broke up which necessitated a dire emergency to use the car.  In his eagerness to resolve the break-up, the rains came and he misjudged the curve and hit the stop sign which threw the car in a spin landing in the ditch.  He was not hurt and he knew I would be so thankful.  The question to the car was still not answered so I just stood waiting howbeit was getting very difficult as I could sense I might lose control! Well the car had been totaled and hauled to the car graveyard. They kept the keys.   I finally got brave enough to ask about Leo’s precious plastic deer head.  Several hours later the sordid details were laid out and the grim reality of paying your own car insurance began to sink in Micah and Seth.


I explained to the boys, once my anger had subsided, that I had to examine my own motive for my anger. It became imperative that I be transparent with my weaknesses if I thought the boys would ever receive the lesson I was hoping to impart.  I was selfish too:  I did not care about Leo’s plastic deer, I did not care that he was being so respectful to my sons in the manner that he was sharing, and I did not care that both my sons’ integrity was questionable.   His intent was never to get them in trouble, but to keep them out of trouble in the future.  With probably too much belaboring of the points we were able to leave it as a learning experience and actually be thankful for it.  Don’t fool yourself; the thankful part did not come quickly!


I confessed initially I was embarrassed because MY sons broke a trust and someone discovered it.  After some prayerful moments I was able to see what God was really telling me:

• ·         I gave too much freedom without the structure to handle it. I knew better than to leave boys home alone

• ·         I focused more on the external details that others saw than the actual sin of my sons.  This was a KEY learning detail for us as parents

• ·         I focused on the loss of the car and the behavior without examining the primary issue which was selfishness and the willful act of disobedience not to mention the lying.  Although it was willful disobedience, it was neither rebellion nor defiance.  It was an immature impulsive act without regard to consequence.They wanted what they wanted and did not consider if it would please the LOrd much less their parents.
•     Fear of man dictated the boys choices and not Fear of God

It all required a closer look at the contents of the boy’s heart and mine.  Helping them to walk backward and take responsibility for all the mistakes was a task, but helping them know the right way was more challenging.


After we got through the messiness of the situation I turned to the boys and said, “What do you intend to do about Leo’s plastic deer head? The following scripture and a serious study of Proverbs held more meaning as they trekked across lawns to admit their guilt to Leo, fix the stupid plastic deer head and seek repentance.  Just as important was my walk across the street to ask Leo to forgive me.  I was forced to share my prideful hidden heart motives that kept me defending his genuine desire to help develop my sons’ integrity.  It was a huge area of repentance that needed to happen. 


Matt. 22: 37-40 Jesus said to him, “You shall love the Lord you God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all you mind. This is the fist and great commandment.  And the second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.”


Many years later we look back and see that yes broken trust and broken rules can have consequences that have long term effects on certain areas but never in the relationships of the family.  Mistakes are a normal part of growing up in a family. Mistakes are going to happen and some will be worse than others.  Families must learn to stand on the truth of God the Father believing He will never leave us nor forsake us and NEVER will your God-appointed family.


Loving as Christ has instructed is a life- long process and the role of the family is modeling, holding, and training.  In our family, the years slowly began to surface three sons who began to show consideration to others and treat even their sisters how they wanted to be treated.  Character is caught in experiences of living.  I will never be convinced that it can be taught without the benefit of action. I believe the cliché, “character is caught more than taught.” Do we all struggle with our responses to sin?  Yes.  Do we have issues with pride?  Yes.  But in a family that is transparent we can share those weaknesses as we seek direction from God for transformation.


II. What and how do we replace righteous behavior after recognizing the sin?


A family is not made up of perfect people or perfect relationships but is created through experiences that are FULL of MISTAKES and it is those mistakes that are opportunities to draw us closer to our Father. 


·         Drawing close to the Father is what He desires.  God is 100% relationship.  Quit focusing on what behavior was done, once recognized, remove and forget it.   Begin an intentional plan on focusing on the word of God and what He says. 

• ·         With siblings 10 years and older give them the responsibility of discovering what God’s direction is in the Word.  This won’t happen without parents making it a part of the natural consequences of their choices.  They must be trained to probe their own heart and come to the conclusions of the moral right and wrong.  The expectation to share the discovery is paramount to this being effective means of understanding.

•  ·         As a family make a commitment to read the book of Proverbs.  There are 31 proverbs, if one is read every day of the month, prayed over, discussed without condemnation then  God will transform everyone who participates.   

•           The book of Proverbs should be a priority study for every single, couple, marriage and family.  Its purpose is to bless and guide with direct and personal wisdom from God.  Ask yourself if you have ever made a deliberate study of the Proverbs.  If your answer is NO, then God is just waiting for you to seek Him.  If your answer is YES, God is waiting to reveal something new that will encourage, stretch and cause you to go deeper in relationship with your best friend, your creator, your Daddy.

Well precious readers, this is enough for this week.  Next week take another step with me as I share personal experiences that help me discover the meaning of family.   

We "human beings" are just "becoming" and it is a process...

Ephesians 4:13-15; Ephesians 5:10-13; 1 Cor. 2: 12-14

We human beings are just “becoming” and it is a process…we will fall but that does not mean we fail.  It is amazing but God will not forsake us!

Nehemiah 9:16-17 Even when we are stiff neck and refuse to obey and refuse to acknowledge the super natural wonders God is  gracious and merciful, slow to anger, ready to pardon abundant in kindness and will not forsake us!  

YEAH for all of us to have a daddy like you!!!

How do we change our thinking? Our patterns?  Our deep seeded habits? 

 by the power of the holy spirit  we are able to:

1.  Recognize pride and negative habits

 2.  Remove negative habits 

3. Replace with godly habits

 4. Repent and turn away from old ways

it is called TRANSFORMED YEAH!

Our past does not have to be an excuse for the decisions we make today…

our personalities don’t have to be an excuse for how we respond to our past.  

our families of origin don't have to be an excuse for our response to the present

god gives us a new family when we accept him as our daddy!

God can change personalities and the word proves that:  Jacob became Israel, Simon became Peter, Saul became Paul… 

The voice of our past and how we respond to that voice is a part of what determines our character and challenges our god-given personality and truly determines our present and our future

Do you want this kind of daddy...he is yours and he is waiting for you to ask him into your heart, fall in his lap, give him all the garbage the enemy has talked you into believing, ask god to forgive you, and then begin to let him love you and discipline you like one of his beloved sheep.  

News Flash: Dr. Hobart

Anyone out there have aching bones and joints due to arthritis pain?  My husband, past superintendent of schools, part-time sports announcer and sometime doctor and researcher made a newspaper discovery:

Soak raisins in Gin for about 7 days until Gin evaporates and then eat 9 raisins for the rest of your life.  I am laughing while eating my 9 raisins my husbands feeds me everyday.  I told him I feel a bit like an animal at the zoo.  He feeds me, cleans the zoo and I make noise and make him laugh.  I also wondered if he were trying to turn me into an alcoholic or if he really was concerned about aches and pains???

Now with my nonsense put aside this is an article from the Dallas News Paper Sept.7, 2010 featuring an interview with rheumatologist Dr. Hohn Cush.

If anyone has really tried the raisins theory for their bone pain please let me know.

Karen

Jer.3:15 “I will give you shepherds            


according to my heart…”

The number one priority

            Of    a  

              parent

               Is 

          
               the 

           
         Soul   of 

      

your 

             


               child